Our Son Austin went to heaven one year ago today. On our Son’s 1 year Angelversary, we are sharing this video. We ask that you take the time today to watch this, remember our Son, and share his story and this Page with your family and friends so we can continue doing what we promised Austin we would do. Thank you for all your love and support! Please help us to continue spreading Hope! Hope Changes Things! <3
Some said this day would be easier than we expected; others said worse. It hurts as if we just lost you all over. Even a year later, I can remember every moment – the way you looked at me before you closed your beautiful blue eyes, your last breathe, the way your arms and hands relaxed and dropped to your side as you left us. I remember looking up at the hospice nurse and seeing her with her head down and tears rolling down her face – silent, trying not to upset us. I remember Daddy asking for you and me handing you over and watching him collapse over you in tears. It was the worst day of my life. I wanted to scream! I felt my heart physically break in that moment and could hardly move. Daddy handed you back to me to call family and let them know you were gone and the hospice nurse got up and called Hillcrest Cemetery. I held your lifeless body on the couch and just kept hugging you tightly as if you were still there. You were already starting to get cold. I had never seen a dead body, let alone held one – and it was you, my baby, my life. I looked outside – and it was raining. It was the strangest weather. In the middle of July, in Bakersfield, it was raining – as if the heavens were brokenhearted with me and crying in my pain and sadness. What felt like only moments, was hours, and Hillcrest was here. They brought in a small bassinet, talked with Hospice and Daddy and then set it on the couch. I remember staring at it wondering what that was for. It was the bassinet they brought to take my baby away. You had been my entire life since the day you were born and now they were just going to march in here and take you away. I had spent every moment with you, fought by your side, argued with Doctors, cried on Nurses, wept with Daddy, and now……it was over. Daddy and I said goodbye to your little lifeless body….and I laid you in the bassinet and the lady there just hugged me and I fell apart on a complete stranger. Daddy and I then watched her carry you out and stood by the front door as they loaded you in their car and drove away with you. Daddy’s chest was my pillow as I cried into him. There you went…..my life…..everything.
I want you to know I kept my promise. I am living…..and am doing my best to live in the now with your Sisters and take care of Daddy. That I am not sitting silently, but sharing our story, my grief, my heart to everyone that will listen. That I will use what you taught me about strength, love and family…..and help others. Most importantly, I have not lost my faith, but held tightly to it. I know you know why this has happened, but we are still here left to grieve and question why. I know I will never have that answer this side of Heaven….so I will continue to trust God’s plan for your life and mine.
You left behind many blessings that are hard for me to recognize through all the grief and pain. But you left me with a new strength, a new and stronger love for Daddy and my family, a Best Friend that I swear you picked out yourself, new friends and renewed old friends…..and many families and babies that I have had the pleasure of meeting and supporting through their own heartaches.
As I cry through this day once again…..know how much I love you, how proud I am of you. Daddy and I miss you so much every day. You will always be our Son. You are just waiting for us to get Home.