Journal - August 8, 2012

Your poor sisters are having a hard time. They miss you so much and cry for you everyday. Today I took them to build a bear...to build a "brother bear." They did such a good job. They each built a bear that reminded them of you. That way every time they get sad, they can hug their brother bear. I don't know what else to do for them. They don't quite understand where you went, but are putting together that you are not coming back. I am their Mom - I should know what to do. But nothing I do seems to help. Like me, they just miss you. I took them out to visit your "memory box" and they sat with their brother bears and said how much they miss you. I feel like I am losing it. I failed you. And now I am failing them. I can't even help myself right now I hurt so much. I can't believe you are gone. I think back to the night you passed in my arms constantly. I couldn't stop what was happening. It haunts me. It will always haunt me. I know this is part of God's plan and his plan is perfect. I just don't understand why you? Why Austin? And I know I won't understand this side of heaven. All I have left is faith. I love you always. Momma


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