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Journal - August 8, 2012

August 8, 2012

Your poor sisters are having a hard time.  They miss you so much and cry for you everyday.  Today I took them to build a bear...to build a "brother bear."  They did such a good job.  They each built a bear that reminded them of you.  That way every time they get sad, they can hug their brother bear.  I don't know what else to do for them.  They don't quite understand where you went, but are putting together that you are not coming back.  I am their Mom - I should know what to do.  But nothing I do seems to help.  Like me, they just miss you.  I took them out to visit your "memory box" and they sat with their brother bears and said how much they miss you.  I feel like I am losing it.  I failed you.  And now I am failing them.  I can't even help myself right now I hurt so much.  I can't believe you are gone.  I think back to the night you passed in my arms constantly.  I couldn't stop what was happening.  It haunts me.  It will always haunt me.  I know this is part of God's plan and his plan is perfect.  I just don't understand why you?  Why Austin?  And I know I won't understand this side of heaven.  All I have left is faith.  I love you always.

Momma

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