Journal - July 30, 2012

Dear Austin -

Today has been a rough day for Daddy. I went back to work for the first time since 2 days before you died. It was so hard returning to everything the way I left it when I came home to be with you that Monday. It took me right back to how I was feeling when I left work. When I left to come home, I knew you were not going to be with us much longer. I thought I was prepared for this because I knew it was coming, but I have never been so wrong in my life. Losing you has been so much harder than I ever imagined. I miss you so much every day, but today was worse. Coming home after work to a house without you in it is so unbearable.

I miss you so much that I am physically ill, but that is not even the worst part. I know you are in a better place and no longer suffering, but I have to watch Momma hurting every second of everyday. I can even see her hurting when she is sleeping. I had no idea how it was going to be watching her suffer and knowing that there is nothing I can say or do to make it better for her. I wish so much that I could take on her pain and suffering so I wouldn’t have to watch her go through this. I love you always and I miss you so much.

Daddy