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Journal - July 30, 2012

July 30, 2012

Dear Austin - 

Today has been a rough day for Daddy.  I went back to work for the first time since 2 days before you died.  It was so hard returning to everything the way I left it when I came home to be with you that Monday.  It took me right back to how I was feeling when I left work.  When I left to come home, I knew you were not going to be with us much longer.  I thought I was prepared for this because I knew it was coming, but I have never been so wrong in my life.  Losing you has been so much harder than I ever imagined.  I miss you so much every day, but today was worse.  Coming home after work to a house without you in it is so unbearable. 


I miss you so much that I am physically ill, but that is not even the worst part.  I know you are in a better place and no longer suffering, but I have to watch Momma hurting every second of everyday. I can even see her hurting when she is sleeping.  I had no idea how it was going to be watching her suffer and knowing that there is nothing I can say or do to make it better for her.  I wish so much that I could take on her pain and suffering so I wouldn’t have to watch her go through this.  I love you always and I miss you so much.



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